Ramblings of an eccentric

(Warning: This post is way too long for the weak hearted. Enter at your own risk)

(Disclaimer: This is a work of sleep-deprivation. The writer/s have no frigging relationship to this post whatsoever. )

One day, when you have eaten something particularly indigestible, you’ll sit down for a long time and let your mind wander. If you’re lucky enough to have ignored a certain blood-pumping organ of yours for most of your life, then mark my words! For you, sir, are going to need a nice, thick magazine in your bathroom from now on. However, if you don’t fall in that particular genre and have always been unlucky, you’ll see all the people that were. Don’t let your mind wander too far for you’ll remember all the bad parts because you haven’t reminisced the good parts enough. But you’re sitting in absolute silence and all that you see is a crimson ash falling like snow. What do you do then? You start remembering.

After an absolutely preposterous and illegal amount of caffeine, I understood that it kills when the person you worry about is absolutely oblivious to it. What if someday the veil rises and you find out that you weren’t enough? Perhaps some of us have been doing it wrong all these years. We were fools to believe that all those motion pictures and all those bestselling books were true. It was our fault not to have been able to discern between reality and, well, the non-existent.

NO! I’m not going into a rant here against matters of the heart. Definitely not! (My girlfriend will publicly stone me if I do!) I’m just making an observation. We let people into our lives. Be it a friend, family or fiancée, the people we love hold the power to break, shatter and puncture our heart. Yes, we hold that power over them too. But nobody really thinks that way, do they? It’s okay. We are all a little selfish. We don’t want to change. Even if we do, we don’t want our dear ones to change. And when all of us have changed, it’s time to set fire to that house of cards we so carefully built. I’m a small-city guy with small dreams. I don’t know how it works in the big cities. I don’t know how to be ‘cool’ and get into recreational substances or recreational adultery (I do know sarcasm though!) and I certainly don’t want my friends to go that way. But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know about the culture and the society in the big bright cities of the world!? What do I know about independent women and the ‘players’ of this earth? Nothing, I believe. It all seems like a hazy dream to me. A dream many wouldn’t want to be in.

The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that life is a long game of Texas hold’em poker. You are dealt a hand and you play with it. You win some and you lose some but nobody leaves the table till a certain grim reaper is involved in the picture. I may seem slightly crazy but just think about it! All our choices and our decisions are not always right or always wrong. We travel on a sine curve, aiming towards happiness and then cascading downwards to a little misery. All the quotes and sayings about ‘not having any regrets’ seems a little bullshit at such indigestible times. After introspection and many a sleepless nights it’s pretty clear that we get screwed severely when we get a full hand of hearts. Because even if we get a straight flush, the house always wins.

But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know?

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Unconvinced

Locked in a cage, put behind a veil,
Hidden from damage underneath a shield.
Let’s not be hurt, let the pain be removed,
Aches and butterflies all pointlessly renewed.

Let the prologue be silently burnt,
This one story does nothing but haunt.
And though from horrid depths, i spoke what was true,
I really have no idea how to convince you.

teardrop
Though the thought has been shaping for quite a while,
Enough silence has been kept, enough have i smiled.
And so for once the floodgates went berserk, went mad,
Even if it threatened to drown the only bond i had.

And as to queries of whether or not i’m sane,
I assure you I’ve never had more clarity as that moment then.
When i from painful depths, spoke what was true,
Without any idea on how to convince you.

Longing

The Condemned

Nowhere does he find some light,
Pure and bright, even at night.
Yet goes ahead with a broken leg,
Lonely on roads where no one treads.
With a twisted hand and poor eyesight,
He moves ahead in this dark night.
No soul in sight or any spirit known,
The dark fork roads calling to his bone.
He moves in a trance, though his heart refused,
Shaking with fright, and confused.
That how his body goes ahead,
On paths where even not the dead tread.
But he has no choice, he has no aim.
‘cause he had been shunned and his body maimed.
He lost his care, love and fame,
Became a stranger to his own life and name.

As long it was sunny,
All had walked with him.
Then as the red sun went down,
They stopped gradually.

They just saw him walk by towards the end.
Without hope, help or a friend.
And neither did anyone offer a bed,
warmth of a fireplace or the taste of bread.
Yet he walked towards the dark, stumbled and fell…
He hurt himself and cursed like hell!…
But he remained silent, somehow it was his mistake.
That he was now a helpless wreck moving ahead without help.

Worlds Apart

We__re_Apart_Together_by_littlemisslove_thumb

He sits at the table, drumming the top,
thoughts wandering to pinpoint at that one face,
sitting among all those piles,
of books, reports and rotten files,
all he thinks of is the one he needs,
more than the air he breathes.
it ends not here but keeps nagging.
neither hunger matters nor work,
he acquires the look of an insomniac,
of an addict deprived of his drugs.
perhaps the breeze brings her perfume from yonder,
perhaps the moon reflects her beautiful face,
perhaps the mirror has captured her inside,
or perhaps the raindrops bring her touch.
frozen beneath the stars he lies,
the impatient lover searching her eyes,
praying for miracles and angels,
dying for the warmth of her hug.

She sits at the window every night,
smiling at the thought of her beloved.
Missing his loving arms wrapped around,
wanting badly the love they had found.
Dying to see the look in his eyes,
the ocean of love bereft of lies.
Touching the mirror as if it might take her away,
to the world afar where he was forced to stay.

Both walk in loneliness searching for the grasp,
which calmed their nerves and soothed their heart.
Believing that late night talks with closed eyes,
might bring them together over thousands of miles.
Trusting for real every animated kiss or smile,
they find their paradise in the darkness, even though for a while.

Come sunlight, the pretenses of the dark break,
the hearts ache at the thought of another day.
Yet they wait, knowing not when they will gaze at the stars together,
yet waiting, waiting for their dear life.