Ramblings of an eccentric

(Warning: This post is way too long for the weak hearted. Enter at your own risk)

(Disclaimer: This is a work of sleep-deprivation. The writer/s have no frigging relationship to this post whatsoever. )

One day, when you have eaten something particularly indigestible, you’ll sit down for a long time and let your mind wander. If you’re lucky enough to have ignored a certain blood-pumping organ of yours for most of your life, then mark my words! For you, sir, are going to need a nice, thick magazine in your bathroom from now on. However, if you don’t fall in that particular genre and have always been unlucky, you’ll see all the people that were. Don’t let your mind wander too far for you’ll remember all the bad parts because you haven’t reminisced the good parts enough. But you’re sitting in absolute silence and all that you see is a crimson ash falling like snow. What do you do then? You start remembering.

After an absolutely preposterous and illegal amount of caffeine, I understood that it kills when the person you worry about is absolutely oblivious to it. What if someday the veil rises and you find out that you weren’t enough? Perhaps some of us have been doing it wrong all these years. We were fools to believe that all those motion pictures and all those bestselling books were true. It was our fault not to have been able to discern between reality and, well, the non-existent.

NO! I’m not going into a rant here against matters of the heart. Definitely not! (My girlfriend will publicly stone me if I do!) I’m just making an observation. We let people into our lives. Be it a friend, family or fiancée, the people we love hold the power to break, shatter and puncture our heart. Yes, we hold that power over them too. But nobody really thinks that way, do they? It’s okay. We are all a little selfish. We don’t want to change. Even if we do, we don’t want our dear ones to change. And when all of us have changed, it’s time to set fire to that house of cards we so carefully built. I’m a small-city guy with small dreams. I don’t know how it works in the big cities. I don’t know how to be ‘cool’ and get into recreational substances or recreational adultery (I do know sarcasm though!) and I certainly don’t want my friends to go that way. But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know about the culture and the society in the big bright cities of the world!? What do I know about independent women and the ‘players’ of this earth? Nothing, I believe. It all seems like a hazy dream to me. A dream many wouldn’t want to be in.

The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that life is a long game of Texas hold’em poker. You are dealt a hand and you play with it. You win some and you lose some but nobody leaves the table till a certain grim reaper is involved in the picture. I may seem slightly crazy but just think about it! All our choices and our decisions are not always right or always wrong. We travel on a sine curve, aiming towards happiness and then cascading downwards to a little misery. All the quotes and sayings about ‘not having any regrets’ seems a little bullshit at such indigestible times. After introspection and many a sleepless nights it’s pretty clear that we get screwed severely when we get a full hand of hearts. Because even if we get a straight flush, the house always wins.

But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know?

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Finding Each Other

And so she lies under the cover of darkness,
Warm with love, over his heart’s abode.
As he looks down to meet her eyes,
all the poetry he ever wrote comes to life.
As he holds his hand in hers and her lips in his,
all music breaks out and life feels complete again.

Finding Each Other

This unexpected story that started at midnight one day,
shall be his melody till kingdom come.
And she, the one who gave away her soul to him,
shall live in his essence in a myriad of forms.

So let foster this, their forbidden love,
Let them find each other under the cover of darkness.
For when finally the light shines on them there will be a uproar,
And they will face the world together as one.

Snippets

This is a poem of incomplete stories. A poem about a conversation. A poem which allows to hope for a better tomorrow.

“Tell me a story!”

A tattered body, a battered mind,
Dusty feet and arms covered with grime,
A broken heart and some bleeding wounds,
Yes, this is a story of poorer times.

“What about the good times?”, she asked.

Keep patience, for it is yet to be told,
Stay here if you want to see it unfold.
Because I’ve fallen a victim to the wheels of time,
And surely summer will follow these days of cold.

conversation

“Tell me about colours…”

I can see yellow, black, white and brown,
But I see no red or green around,
but I wonder, what if all was just a serene blue?
I could be colour blind without any bounds.

“Tell me about love…”

I looked for you in old lifeless pics,
A hint of love or the blush in your cheeks,
And selfishly i wanted you back near me,
Because my poetry is nothing but our crazy streaks.

“Tell me about yourself…”

On odd days, on bad days, on days real good,
Poetry flows out as I sit and brood,
And I keep hoping this time will be it,
This time I’ll say what my heart would if it could.

A Moment Of Imperfection

As always, there are doubts and thoughts,
and memories of certain unwanted sorts,
And I wish all that is bottled up flows out,
if only my soul could get lighter with a huge shout.

Imperfection

Pondering incessantly over all that I’ve done,
wishing there was someone to talk on the phone.
I think about all the ways I’ve been hurt,
all the times I’ve fallen face down in the dirt,
and yet haven’t said a word for so long,
never complained that I was being wronged.
Because life demands that I be a good person,
it demands actions without expectation.

So what if for once I turned humane,
years of silent suffering driving me insane,
For once am I allowed to be selfish in my mind?
Because everyone else is! How was I that blind?

And then you were there holding my hand,
kissing my forehead and trying to understand
the demons that always were inside of me,
but were invisible till you wanted to see,
And so I become who I was again,
because now you helped me through the pain,
And so in your lap, I keep my head and weep
while you caress my hair and I try to fall asleep.

The Incomplete Goodbye

He was sitting calmly at a corner table, earphones plugged in and John Legend’s ‘All Of Me’ beating away in his ear. He took a look at his watch. She’s running late. It had been almost half an hour since he sat down at that place. He was sitting at a window table in the café, looking at passing cars, hoping to see the little silver hatchback her dad owned slowing down at the curb.

32 minutes late. He smiled as the car stopped in front of him and she climbed out, looking as brilliant as ever. Her smile present there just like it had been the last time they had met. He couldn’t believe it had been more than five months already since that little rendezvous at the Oxford bookstore. She walked in and instantly spotted him amidst all the tables. She opened her bag as she walked towards him and by the time she sat down across him, she was pulling out the novels he had lent her the last time he had been home. But he didn’t care. All he had on his mind was her.

He had left the city five years ago to go to college in the hope of starting a new life and getting away from the people he hated there. But not her.

He came to know her towards the end of high school and since then they had been friends. He had left after that but still they stuck together. Friends, great friends and then best friends. She had been an invisible, untouchable and inseparable part of his life for five years now. He never failed to come home in the break and never failed to meet her at least once every time. But not this time. She had finished college and got a job in another state. She was leaving in two days.

They both talked for almost half an hour. Actually she talked and he listened. He couldn’t get a word out for the life of him. What would he say? That he’s going to miss her? That he’ll never be coming home again? That she meant the entire world to him? They both knew that already. He wanted to get up, pull her to his feet and hug her as tightly as he could in front of all these people they didn’t know. He wanted to look into her eyes one last time for he did not know how long it was going to be before he saw her again. Damn, I wish I could kiss her!

A unknown voice pulled him out of his daydream. Son of a! it was her older brother. He had always been afraid of the guy. He had come to pick her up. There was packing to finish, last minute stuff to be done. But! BUT! This isn’t enough! I haven’t even hugged her yet! And they walked out together. He smiled as much as he could and tried to make conversation with the big guy. As they reached the car, he gave her one last look. There she was. Still clueless.Sigh! He smiled and mouthed two words, “good bye.” He turned and left. He didn’t want to but he did. Every brain cell screamed out at him, asking him to turn back. Turn back and run to her you idiot! Give her that hug! There’s still time! But he never looked back. He reached his bike, pulled on his helmet and drove away into the opposite direction.

The city wasn’t going to be the same without her. Things were going to change. And they both knew that.

goodbye

Homecoming

(This is the first song I have ever written for someone! I decided it was time to write something on a cheerful note. This is something I haven’t done in a long time. Love as a subject is kind of hard to write for me. But as the great Plato said “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. Hope you all like it.)

Won’t you stay with me for some more time,
I don’t feel like being alone.
Someone like you is hard to find,
So don’t tell me that today you’ll be gone.

This time there will be no mistakes,
There won’t be a single wrong turn.
Don’t give up on us just this once,
Cause without you I’m gonna crash and burn.

No more red ink goodbyes,
To get lost in those lovely eyes,
To make sure my heart’s still beating,
To make sure that I keep on breathing,
To be under the same stars as you,
I’m coming home to you.

Ever wonder why I say you are my sunshine,
What will happen if we ever reach no-return.
No, I intend to keep all my promises,
I will alleviate all your myriad concerns.

So walk down this road with me again,
Bring back those countless moments of ours.
Let me surprise you time and again,
Like when I sent your favorite flowers.

No more fights, no more cries,
To see the sparkle in your eyes,
To see for real your heartwarming smile,
To make my days a bit more worthwhile,
To be whatever you want me to,
I’m coming home to you.

Unconvinced

Locked in a cage, put behind a veil,
Hidden from damage underneath a shield.
Let’s not be hurt, let the pain be removed,
Aches and butterflies all pointlessly renewed.

Let the prologue be silently burnt,
This one story does nothing but haunt.
And though from horrid depths, i spoke what was true,
I really have no idea how to convince you.

teardrop
Though the thought has been shaping for quite a while,
Enough silence has been kept, enough have i smiled.
And so for once the floodgates went berserk, went mad,
Even if it threatened to drown the only bond i had.

And as to queries of whether or not i’m sane,
I assure you I’ve never had more clarity as that moment then.
When i from painful depths, spoke what was true,
Without any idea on how to convince you.

Longing