Ramblings of an eccentric

(Warning: This post is way too long for the weak hearted. Enter at your own risk)

(Disclaimer: This is a work of sleep-deprivation. The writer/s have no frigging relationship to this post whatsoever. )

One day, when you have eaten something particularly indigestible, you’ll sit down for a long time and let your mind wander. If you’re lucky enough to have ignored a certain blood-pumping organ of yours for most of your life, then mark my words! For you, sir, are going to need a nice, thick magazine in your bathroom from now on. However, if you don’t fall in that particular genre and have always been unlucky, you’ll see all the people that were. Don’t let your mind wander too far for you’ll remember all the bad parts because you haven’t reminisced the good parts enough. But you’re sitting in absolute silence and all that you see is a crimson ash falling like snow. What do you do then? You start remembering.

After an absolutely preposterous and illegal amount of caffeine, I understood that it kills when the person you worry about is absolutely oblivious to it. What if someday the veil rises and you find out that you weren’t enough? Perhaps some of us have been doing it wrong all these years. We were fools to believe that all those motion pictures and all those bestselling books were true. It was our fault not to have been able to discern between reality and, well, the non-existent.

NO! I’m not going into a rant here against matters of the heart. Definitely not! (My girlfriend will publicly stone me if I do!) I’m just making an observation. We let people into our lives. Be it a friend, family or fiancée, the people we love hold the power to break, shatter and puncture our heart. Yes, we hold that power over them too. But nobody really thinks that way, do they? It’s okay. We are all a little selfish. We don’t want to change. Even if we do, we don’t want our dear ones to change. And when all of us have changed, it’s time to set fire to that house of cards we so carefully built. I’m a small-city guy with small dreams. I don’t know how it works in the big cities. I don’t know how to be ‘cool’ and get into recreational substances or recreational adultery (I do know sarcasm though!) and I certainly don’t want my friends to go that way. But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know about the culture and the society in the big bright cities of the world!? What do I know about independent women and the ‘players’ of this earth? Nothing, I believe. It all seems like a hazy dream to me. A dream many wouldn’t want to be in.

The more I think about it, the more it seems to me that life is a long game of Texas hold’em poker. You are dealt a hand and you play with it. You win some and you lose some but nobody leaves the table till a certain grim reaper is involved in the picture. I may seem slightly crazy but just think about it! All our choices and our decisions are not always right or always wrong. We travel on a sine curve, aiming towards happiness and then cascading downwards to a little misery. All the quotes and sayings about ‘not having any regrets’ seems a little bullshit at such indigestible times. After introspection and many a sleepless nights it’s pretty clear that we get screwed severely when we get a full hand of hearts. Because even if we get a straight flush, the house always wins.

But then, I’m a small-city guy. What do I know?

Age Of Innocence

KidsHere comes the patter of tiny feet,
Innocence looking up at you with wonder,
With bright eyes and shining smiles
All like a million sparks of a bright flame,
pure as drops of dew on a summer morning.
A single stroke filled with a million colours,
these little angels of joy lighting up the world,
slipping, at times falling, yet unafraid.
Fresh as the flowers in a garden,
laughing and dancing to yet unheard melodies
and unabashedly talking to unseen friends,
finding shelter only in a mother’s shadow.

Mischief varying like the melody of a flute,
borne out of souls yet untouched by vice.
A silent hope that they don’t grow up,
and stay scattered across our lonely skies.

Homecoming

(This is the first song I have ever written for someone! I decided it was time to write something on a cheerful note. This is something I haven’t done in a long time. Love as a subject is kind of hard to write for me. But as the great Plato said “At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. Hope you all like it.)

Won’t you stay with me for some more time,
I don’t feel like being alone.
Someone like you is hard to find,
So don’t tell me that today you’ll be gone.

This time there will be no mistakes,
There won’t be a single wrong turn.
Don’t give up on us just this once,
Cause without you I’m gonna crash and burn.

No more red ink goodbyes,
To get lost in those lovely eyes,
To make sure my heart’s still beating,
To make sure that I keep on breathing,
To be under the same stars as you,
I’m coming home to you.

Ever wonder why I say you are my sunshine,
What will happen if we ever reach no-return.
No, I intend to keep all my promises,
I will alleviate all your myriad concerns.

So walk down this road with me again,
Bring back those countless moments of ours.
Let me surprise you time and again,
Like when I sent your favorite flowers.

No more fights, no more cries,
To see the sparkle in your eyes,
To see for real your heartwarming smile,
To make my days a bit more worthwhile,
To be whatever you want me to,
I’m coming home to you.

“There she is!”

Oscar opened his eyes slowly and didn’t recognize the place. He didn’t know the room, the lights, nothing. The only sounds were the periodic beeps of the various machines monitoring his heartbeat and body temperature. He looked at the table on the left and saw framed pictures of the only moments he could remember. He turned his head towards the right side of the room and found Sophie dozing silently on the couch. He smiled and said, “There she is”. She opened her eyes and  smiled at him.

*

The first time he had seen her was a day he could never forget. A mutual friend had set them up for a date. He was running fifteen minutes late. He dashed out of the cab as fast as he could after paying the fare. For the rest of his life, he had described the next twenty seconds something like this, “I saw her waiting, waiting for me at table number 7. The way her eyes looked when she smiled, I felt like crying. I knew that she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I looked at her and said to myself “There she is”.”

woman in cafe
Six months later they got married. And two years later, he started forgetting things. Doctor said it was early onset of Alzheimer’s. Sophie started staying at home all the time, working from home itself and taking care of the man she loved so much.

*

Five years had passed since then. Oscar’s disease had hit him with full force leaving behind a broken man. He remembered nothing except Sophie. And during his periods of acute dementia, when he had a few moments of clarity, he would kiss Sophie and utter his three favorite words “There she is.” He would remember their first date, their initial life and then like a firefly, that entire glow would fade slowly.

*

Sophie looked at Oscar lovingly and adjusted his pillow so that he could be more comfortable. She sat on the couch and looked at the first man whom she had managed to love truly. Then that smile slowly faded.
She went outside the hospital room. On a chair sat Matt, the person who was responsible for them meeting each other. As she occupied the chair next to him, Matt asked, “How’s he doing?” Sophie let out a sigh and looked at Matt, “His heart his stable now. The doctors cleared up the blocked arteries. They say I can take him home this weekend.” Matt squeezed her hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Don’t worry Sophie. I’m there with you through all this.” She suddenly felt sick. She told Matt she had to use the toilet. She locked the toilet door behind her and broke down crying! “What am I doing?! I love Oscar! What the hell am I doing with Matt?” she asked herself.
She looked at herself in the mirror and started talking to herself. “I can’t take care of him anymore. I’ve known my husband longer with Alzheimer’s than without. I’ve watched more of him disappear than I ever got to know. I just can’t do this anymore.”
woman crying

*

Oscar gained his senses and became aware of his surroundings. He found Sophie sitting next to his bed, smiling. “There she is!” came out his voice, loaded with love and affection for the woman of his dreams. “Yes, Oscar sweetheart. Here I am”, said Sophie. Her voice sounded heavy and sad. “I need to go and see the doctor, honey. Now, you be a good boy and don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”
She stepped out of the room silently closing the door behind her. The nurse handed her a clipboard with various forms attached. Sophie paused for a moment and then signed on all the forms. She was sending Oscar to a special facility where they took care of people like Oscar.

She handed over the forms to the nurse and looked at Matt. He put his arms around her and they walked in silence down the hospital corridor.

FRIENDS…

Like an agnostic who just discovered that God does exist, I was overwhelmed by the revelation a single phone call presented before me today. Frankly speaking, I suck at relationships of all kind (as much as the rest of the human race, probably more). But it’s surprising how a single strand of human emotion, a single form of relation has endured centuries of sucky human beings without fail.

Finger friends
Finger friends

I am a difficult guy (probably slightly sociopathic if I believe in all the crap that Dexter Morgan says). And I know that I am perfectly capable of throwing away good friendships (having observed myself over the years like a certain detective who used to live in 221B, Baker Street). Yet it surprises me the number of people who have stuck with me over all these years. There are people whom I meet once every 5-6 months, people whom I haven’t seen in 3 years since school life ended and people I haven’t met in person till now. Yet they ARE my friends.
Yes, we fight. We get angry. But everytime it happens, both of us keep checking the phone every five seconds, secretly hoping that the other person texts “I am sorry”; and in the end we end up apologizing together. Everytime I push them away or make a mistake, I keep hoping that they would stop me. I keep hoping that they pull me back. And they do.
It doesn’t matter whether we talk once in a fortnight or once a month and there are some I haven’t talked to properly in months. Yet when my phone finds the time to give them a call or my bike finds the time to go and hang out with them, it does not matter when we had talked last. What matters is the fact that there is no resentment or anger. We know that the other person is there for us when we need them and it feels as if we were never away from each other.

Quote
Quote

I always wished for a perfect ever-lasting friendship without any ‘terms and conditions apply’ clause. I always wanted ‘perfection’ in my friendships. But I was a fool not to have realized that those many little moments of pure unadulterated happiness I’ve gathered over the years complete my perfect little album of memories. And even though I’ve screwed up so many times, never have they left my side (except for the occasional semester breaks of course).

I’m thankful for these people in my life who have stuck with me at all times, good and bad. I’m indebted because they accept me as a jerk! I’m grateful that they took the pains to know the real me and didn’t shy away. I’m happy that I managed to touch their hearts and be an ‘okay-okay’ friend.

“So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.”
Helen Keller

 Friendship quotes 1

Beautiful Moments

(This poem is based on two people I saw once. The thing which they had between them was really beautiful and it affected me in a big way. So this poem is for them. )

A few moments of your life, give and take,
beautiful sun rays dancing around you through the leaves,
while you walk in an autumn garden full of trees,
coming back to life with each and every little step.

garden walk

Time gets lost between the both of you.
No care in the world, just smiles and laughter,
echoing in the air lifting your spirits high enough,
to touch the sky and then fall back on the soft earth.

Sitting under the sparkling fountain of joy,
letting go of your sorrows and worries one by one.
Neither a care for anyone nor any problems,
background music playing like magic everywhere you go.

Happy that all which matters is at your side,
as the horizons harbor the setting sun and the rising moon,
and as you find yourself in the midst of a fairy-tale,
you find yourself wishing to have this moment forever.

The Ride

“That’s it! I’m not talking to her till she replies to my text”, he thought. He got up, stretched a bit and went out to the balcony. The last five days had been really unexpected. “Of course! I’m in love again after all!”, he muttered to himself. He had met the perfect girl. The most beautiful and loving girl in the world as his mind put it… He was tired from sitting in a chair for the past six hours and he hit the bed. “Not a complete waste of time though” he thought; and before he knew, he was fast asleep.

***

“It’s six in the evening idiot! Wake up and get going!..” shouted father. That was all he needed! In six seconds he was up and was already checking his inbox. “Damn! Two hours and no reply..”, he thought, “I guess I should call her.”

“Hello?” Her sweet voice was like music to his ears. “Where are you?” he asked. “Just buying a pair of jeans in Saron Square. The Levi’s store… Remember?” she said. Of course he did. “Okay! I’ll talk to you later then. Bye beautiful…” and he disconnected the phone. The next moment, as if by divine intervention, mom handed him a list of things to be bought. And he knew exactly where to go.

***

He liked the bike better. But the scooter was gearless and easier to drive. Just what he needed. He wasn’t worried about what to tell mom. He was more worried about her. All had happened so fast! He couldn’t spend a second without thinking about her if he wanted to. “Hell I’m addicted to her!” and he smiled.

“Where are you?” he asked her. “On my way home”, came her cheerful reply. “Well..” he said, “I’m in front of that store you know”. The next moment he was turning around his scooter and was speeding towards the place where she had gotten down from her taxi. He was going to see her again and he didn’t care about all the traffic rules he was breaking.
“I’ve been waiting here for twenty minutes you know” she grumbled, “Why did you come?” “To surprise you” he added, reaching behind for her hand.”I hate surprises” she said. “God! Better get used to it… I love you girl!” and he was grinning like an idiot. The next moment she slipped her arms around him. He was surprised.
He felt alive! He felt happy! For three years he had been searching for this warmth, this love, his life… And there it was. He placed his left hand over her palms and tilted back his head to rest it on hers. “Where should i drop you?”, he asked, “Same place as last time?”… “No! Go ahead a bit further… Near my home.. I want five more minutes with the sweetest guy in the world”…
And he drove on…

***

“Can I drop you at home tomorrow as well?” he asked as she slipped her fingers into his… And they didn’t care about anything or anyone present there… He had found love at last.